Brittiney's last journal entry+dream

"My Dangerous Prayer"

You hold the only peace that can fill the deepest hole.
But how do I get it? You said, "ask and you shall receive."
I am asking and I know that You will give it to me.

Every week You bless me so much and teach me lessons after lessons. I know that once again you are showing me your love. I can't fathom how much You feel when one of Your children suffers, but I've had a glimpse of your heartache.

Please fill me with Your wisdom that I won't just watch others suffer, but that I'll be able to say what they need to hear.

As a new week approaches, my dangerous prayer is that you'll place broken hearted people in my path and fill me with You so that I can let Your love heal their pain.

-Brittiney's last journal entry- September 21, 2003

How the hell am I supposed to take this. I just found someone's ej I did not have the courage to type this up my self. But a cut & paste is not as hard. Did a google search she wrote this herself.
Had a werid dream last night.
It began with me waking up and seeing them old man that looked like me but forty years later came out of a pool of light. He hand he a watch and a little disc. He told me to put the disc be-hide my left ear an the watch on right hand. Then he hand me what looked like a babel fish he said you know what that's for. He then said I can't say any more our I will disrupt the time line more than I already have. I then figured out that I had been just handed a time machine. I knew what I had to do I would stop Brittiney's death. I ran the through the dream once where I just went and tried to stop her and it did not work. It did that thing from quantum leap where it starts over. I then went to some time around the year zero to talk to jesus and asked why i could not save her I then realized that babel fish could not translate his words so it started over again. I then went to get a rabbi and someone from uofl then could speak Aramaic. Then we went back to the year zero got jesus to come with us. When then went to the time when they End Of Dayed and used Jesus to distract them from leaving. I then went back to present. IT was during our advisor group I though tI had failed because her locker was still decorated as a memorial. But she suddenly walked into ms. Calderwood's room we al rushed and hugged her. We all still had the memories of her death but she was still their. We all cried she did not understand but we told her. This dream repeated over and over again.

What If?

I just got back from the spa. It helped alot but nothing I do makes the pain go away. I think I going to go war-driving. On my bike should I install that hack on my os hmm... The grief consolers said to things that I like to do. Well I like to go place I am not supposed to. Well since I can't go snooping around school the neighborhood should do. This world we live is in chaos but most people are so stupid they don't notice it. Current itunes:Man, It's So Loud In Here from the album "Mink Car" by They Might Be Giants

NDA's Suck

God's Screename
I feel right now like a NDA has been put on my life right now. But you know fuck it. I feel like shit man. I wish I had a freaking time machine and go and fix everything. And go father back and talk to Jesus and ask why would he do this to our school our lcs family why would he have sarah morris be there when it happened why. I would also find where the arc of the convent is stored and use it because according to something I read in a book it is a radio to god all this one way conversations is a pain.
When is god going to get eMail.
I when will he get an AIM account.
I mean would it not be so kick ass to find out god had an AIM account and you had his screen-name.
What would you do with it how would you use it.
You know that once you used it it would change.
I would use it to get his ip address then hack gods computer.
Then I would have access to god's plain.
Because then I could change it .
But what would happen then.
If I changed gods plain would that mean that god is no longer omniscient
Would god then disappear into a puff of logic.
Aggh this is weird
So the only way for someone to be omniscient is if they are the only one to be so. If someone had access to the info and changed something. Then they both would no longer be omniscient.
What if this where to happen?
It feels like I have an NDA on my life but do not know the info I am not allowed to say.
So this is what it is like not to be a dev. for things and not know that secret info.
So I guess god is like the lead dev. for the universe?
But he needs to run an update becasue he sure has some bad code.

Current thing playing in itunes
Kiss Me, Son Of God from the album "Lincoln" by They Might Be Giants

Chaos is the world.

Eleanor Rigby from the album "1" by Beatles, The
Flawed is the world.
I can't eat and I am so freaking sleepy but I can't sleep. If this is the world and not a dream then someone forgot to run the debuger on it. There are so many flaws. Tss is on man. You know this whole experince has changed me alot I can see all the flaws. Now I am going to try fix them where will I begin you ask. Well I do not know but everthing is going deduged by me by hand.

This day just plain sucks

This day just plain sucks.
i just got home this dsy just plain sucks. I went to brittiney's furneal. HE dad is just awsome. He made us lafe and cry. He had really cool stories. I fell so bad for sarah morris and Brittiney's family. Afterward there was a recpition whee I finally ate something. Lots of hugs. I also went and picked up a cd of all the songs played at the furenal. I also went and talked to Dr. Vanzale (sp?). HE helped me alot with stuff I fell a little better. But overall I feel like shit. The only thing that can help it time which is soemthing I have alot of. I at least know that she is in heaven with Jesus Christ. She gets to meet him in person and have all the questions answered.

I miss Brittiney.
I just back from the vistiation. I miss her so much. So much pain so my saddness. I have no idea how much pain Sarah Morris much be going through right now. That was the saddness thing I have ever gone through and tommorow is the furneal. I make a vow every annverisary of her death and her birthday I will come visit her in cave hill which is right across from lcs. I hope she is happy in heaven if such a thing exist which I do now. May jesus watch over her for alll time.

Love

Love
You Need Is Love
The Beatles (Lennon/McCartney)


Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy.
There's nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be in time
It's easy.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
It's easy.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
All you need is love (all together now)
All you need is love (everybody)
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
We Love You Brittiney

It's true why?

It's true why?
Just whty did this have to happen. I just went to a thing with fucking B.J She did not suffer my ass. Yeah thats called bullshit. I have read about this shit. How can this fucking happen I was hopeing that I was given wrong info but it was fucking true. This chaos just sucks. I wish it could all be undone that is what I would do if I had the power to do so. God must have one big ego to do shit like this. She loved jesus so much. For him to let her die I just don'y get it. Fuck it fuck it all.

THis is not fucking fair.

THis is not fucking fair.
This is not fucking fair. How can she be gone. How could this happen shit like this is not supposed to happen to good people. Why god fucking why. This whole one way conevrsain with god fucking sucks. I what a fucking response I what to know whats going on. how can this sort of thing happen when people like Saddam live and people like Brittiney dies. Who in the fuck makes these decisons god fucking sucks. God is such a prick. What can of person can god be if he does this. If only I had a fucking time machine.
Itunes:While my gutair gentley weeps: The Beatles.